Leadership, in simplest terms, is influence. We lead projects at work, raise children, captain sports teams, serve on the PTO—these are just a handful of places you could have leadership. But so often, we’re given the opportunity to lead and influence others without the toolset to make sure we do it well.
You probably know what bad leadership looks like. The more life you live, the more likely it is you’ve encountered leaders who:
- Set inconsistent standards.
- Avoid hard but necessary conversations.
- Prioritize short-term wins over long-term health.
- Lead with fear instead of empowerment.
All of these stem from one core issue: a lack of humility.
Why Humility Matters
Often, leadership opportunities are given as a reward. Talented people get noticed, driven people get results, and confident people find doors opening for them left and right—but without humility, no amount of skill or determination will mark you as a good leader.
Your abilities and accomplishments may give you cred, but humility makes you a leader worth following. It determines whether people actually trust you, if they’ll grow around you, and if they’ll even want to follow you.
Most people don’t wake up thinking, “I hope I act prideful today!”, but humility is hard to measure—in ourselves and others. That’s because we can’t prove our humility by what we believe about ourselves. It’s revealed by how we respond:
- When someone corrects us.
- When someone else succeeds.
- When no one notices what we did.
How do you know when humility is genuine—not performative, strategic, or false modesty?
Before unpacking what true humility is, let’s get clear on what it isn’t.
What Humility Is Not
Humility gets misunderstood all the time. Here are a few common distortions:
1. Humility Is Not Thinking Less of Yourself
Sometimes we think humility means downplaying ourselves. It sounds noble—you’re just giving other people the spotlight. But this mindset can actually twist into a harmful pattern of self-hatred. You start to diminish your God-given gifts, even start to believe you’re capable of less than God created you for.
Ephesians 2:10 says that you are “God’s masterpiece,” created to do good things in this world. Embracing this calling isn’t proud. Using the skills God gave you in the positions he’s placed you in is a way to honor him. Sitting on your abilities and allowing opportunities to pass you by to appear humble, on the other hand, is a rejection of the person God designed you to be.
2. Humility Is Not False Modesty
“Oh, it was nothing.”
“I’m not that good.”
“Anyone could’ve done it.”
When someone compliments you, gives you credit for hard work, or recognizes a skill you have, you might think the humble thing to do is deflect. After all, you’re taking the spotlight off of yourself. Right?
Deflection is actually a means of protecting your own image—a desire rooted in pride. You don’t want to seem full of yourself, so you downplay the nice things people say about you. And the people on the receiving end don’t receive this as humility. More often than not, deflection comes across as fishing for reassurance.
But God gave you strengths on purpose, and he may have accomplished real impact through you. Pretending otherwise isn’t a mark of humility. It’s a distortion of reality.
True humility receives encouragement from a place of security and confidence. It honors your gifts and points back to God as the source. You’re not puffing yourself up—but you’re not shrinking yourself, either. You simply know who you are and how God designed you. Any chance to live in that purpose is worth celebrating!
3. Humility Is Not Silence in the Face of Responsibility
Sometimes we assume humility means staying quiet, letting someone else speak up or make a decision. But shrinking back when you’re called to step up is actually a sign of avoidance.
God places people in positions of influence on purpose. Think about Esther, a Jewish woman who became queen in a Persian empire ruled by a king who didn’t share her faith or heritage. When a powerful official manipulated the king into approving a plan to destroy the Jewish people, Esther had to decide: speak up or stay quiet.
She could have convinced herself that it wasn’t her place to speak up. That someone else would step in. That staying quiet was the safer, more “humble” choice. But Esther knew she had been placed there "for such a time as this,” and she used her voice to advocate for her people—not to elevate herself (Esther 4:14).
(Esther’s whole story is incredible. You can read all of it in the book of Esther or explore more stories like hers in this Bible Reading Plan!)
Like Esther, God has placed you in a position of influence on purpose. When you refuse to use your voice, your strength, or your leadership because you don’t want attention, you’re not protecting your humility. You're neglecting your responsibility as a leader.
Avoiding hard conversations isn’t humble. Letting dysfunction continue unchecked isn’t humble. Withholding clarity when people need direction isn’t humble. It might feel safer, but it doesn’t serve anyone.
Humility means stepping forward not to elevate your voice or your opinion, but to pursue what’s best for others. It’s the decision to faithfully carry out the responsibility God has entrusted to you.
Now that we’re clear on what humility isn’t, let’s look at what it actually looks like.
3 Marks of Real Humility
In Philippians 2, we see a clear, practical blueprint: humility is observable in the way we lead, respond, and surrender.
1. You’re Not Trying to Impress Anyone
Philippians 2:3 says, “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble.”
If your decisions are primarily driven by how they’ll make you look, pride is probably in the driver’s seat. Humility frees you from the need to perform—and one of the clearest indicators you’re on the right track is a willingness to ask for help.
When you ask for help, you admit you don’t know everything. You give others the opportunity to contribute. Most of all, you prioritize your growth over your image.
Who can you ask for help or input this week?
2. You Use Your Strength to Lift Others Up
Philippians 2:3-4 continues: “Consider others better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”
This is easily confused with false modesty, and it’s where a lot of us get tripped up.
False modesty asks, “How can I avoid attention?” Humility asks, “Who can I lift up?”
False modesty asks, “How do I stay indispensable?” Humility asks, “Who can I develop?”
False modesty asks, “How does this strengthen me?” Humility asks, “Who can I make stronger?”
False modesty keeps the focus on yourself—how you appear to others and protect your reputation. But true humility is focused on the benefit of others.
Who is someone under your influence that needs specific, meaningful encouragement? This may not be someone you lead in an obvious sense, like a coworker or a teammate. It could be a friend, a child, or a spouse.
3. You’ve Bent Your Knee to Jesus
Philippians 2:9-10 reminds us that one day ever knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.
Humility ultimately comes down to this posture. When you bend your knee to Jesus, you’re making a declaration: I’m not in charge. I’m not the center. I’m not the standard. Jesus is.
When your identity as a leader—and as a person—is shaped by this, it changes everything. You don’t feel the need to win every argument because being right isn’t your source of worth. You don’t need constant validation because you know you’re already fully known and loved. You don’t need to protect your reputation at all costs because your life is in his hands. The more secure you are in who Jesus says you are, the less you need to prove yourself to anyone else.
And that frees you to live and lead with humility in all areas of life.
Start with a simple surrender: “Jesus, today isn’t about building my name. It’s about honoring yours. Lead me.”
The Real Test
Pride isolates. False humility performs. Real humility serves. If you’re willing to ask for help, if you’re lifting others up, if you’re surrendered to Jesus, you’re on track with genuine humility.
But stay vigilant—it’s easy to let your guard, and your posture, slip. Keep people around you who can hold you accountable. Surround yourself with others you can learn from, as well as others you can pour into. And stay close to Jesus, because depending on him is the truest indicator of humility.
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